The Conversation
by justmomentary
Summary: JCAL. There's something I need you to know.


**Title**: The Conversation  
**Pairing**: JCAL  
**Timeline**: The general workings of season 10.  
**Author's Notes**: Just a short little one parter. Forgive me if it sucks. Feedback is love.

"Abby."

She sat still, patiently waiting for the voice to fade away. It had before.

She hated the way all these feelings would suddenly rush at her, coming out of nowhere. Most days, she was fine. Most days she could keep up the facade of being okay with it all. But this wasn't one of those days. The littlest thing would trigger it, someone asking her to feed the fish, the sight of someone drinking coffee or eating pie, or both. She felt like the memories haunted her. She couldn't even go up to the roof anymore.

So she settled for the ambulance bay.

"Abby?"

The voice continues, louder now. The voice sighs and she's glad the act of sighing does not involve words. She hates words, whether they are written or spoken. She can never find the right words to say. But sometimes they are there and she doesn't want them to be. She hates the way cruelty rolls of his tongue or the way heartbreak is etched in black ink on sickly yellow paper. And all of this is because of words. She's not too fond of pictures either. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words; but when she say that picture of that unborn baby, she only heard four words echo inside her head: I don't need you. That statement had lost its shock value a long time ago. He had never needed her. He might have thought he did once, but what's the point in needing someone when you don't even expect them to be there to begin with?

"Are you okay?"

The voice still hadn't gone away. She's was beginning to become annoyed.

"Does it matter?" The sound of her own voie startled her. She had been silent for so long that she had almost forgotten what it sounded like.

"Of course it does."

The tone oh his voice was apologetic, but she wasn't sure what exactly he might be apologizing for. For running away after she begged him to stay? For meeting Kem and seemingly falling in love with her? For breaking her heart in a letter? For giving up on them so soon? For what? For everything?

"To who?" she questioned. "To you?"

"Yes," he says, but it sounds more like a question than an answer.

A silence as thick as their awkwardness invades the air around them.

"Well, it shouldn't," she finally says. But her words come out sounding like they are only substitutes for the things she really wants to say.

"I'm just...worried about you. That's all. I came out her it make sure you're okay. Obviously, you're not."

Oh, no. She wasn't playing this game anymore. Not the 'Abby's broken, let's fix her!' game. She was tired of him trying to be the hero, trying to save her. She didn't need it. Not anymore.

She smirks. "Your conscience getting to you, Carter?" she mumbles.

"What?"

"Nothing. You know what? You don't have to worry about me anymore. So, congratulations. You're off the hook."

"Why do you say that?"

"Things are different now." She sighs, looking up at the cloudy Chicago sky. "We're not the way we used to be. And as much as I wish we were, the simple truth is we're not friends anymore." She glances over at him. "I guess I was wrong. People change. We've both changed so much - we're practically strangers now."

Tears unexpectedly sting her eyes and all she wants to do in that moment is crumble into his arms and cry.

"I wish it wasn't like that," he says.

"Yeah, well," she shrugs. She attempts a small smile but fails. She shuffles her feet. And in that moment, something comes over her. She doesn't care that what she's about to say is a year too late, or that she'll probably make an idiot out of herself. There are some things that just need to be said. "John, there's something I need you to know." She takes a deep breath and forces her eyes to meet his. "I know you probably think that I didn't love you, but I did. I did love you. I have for a long time. I think, in a way, I always will." She finally manages a smile through her tears. "You know that right?"

"Now I do," he says as he gently brushes the tears off her cheek. "Now I do."


End file.
